Today I bravely re-entered the world of Pokémoins — yes, Pokémoins, because apparently every creature I ran into looked like someone had tried to draw a Pokémon from memory after a three-day caffeine bender.
First encounter of the morning: Scrumbloaf, a creature made entirely of bread. Not even magical bread. Just… bread. I tried to catch it, but it crumbled emotionally before I could throw a ball. Honestly, same.
Then I met Chairmander, which is exactly what it sounds like: a folding chair with the fiery spirit of a dragon. I respect its commitment to both seating and violence.
My rival showed up, too. He said he’s been training nonstop, but based on how he tripped over a wild Bush Rat on the way over, I’m not concerned. He challenged me to a battle, sent out something called Gloopachu, and it immediately melted into the grass like warm pudding. “It does that sometimes,” he said. I nodded like that was a normal sentence for a normal person.
I ended the day at the Pokémoins Center, where Nurse Hopefully-Qualified told me my team’s “vibes were critically low.” She prescribed them ten hours of sleep and one (1) juice box each. Honestly, she should’ve prescribed me the same.
Anyway, I’m exhausted, confused, and fairly certain I now have crumbs in my pockets from Scrumbloaf. This journey is going great.
Until tomorrow,
A Trainer Who No Longer Trusts Chairs or Bread